


(untitled darla/lilah WIP)

by theoreticalfic



Category: Angel: the Series, Jossverse
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticalfic/pseuds/theoreticalfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate Angel season 2, Lilah, not Lindsey, falls for Darla. Sort of. Lilah/Darla, heavily implied Lindsey/Angel. I'm warning you right now, I started writing this and then hit a wall and never finished it and have no idea if I ever will. But I do like what I've got written, so I'm posting it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lilah Morgan gave a thin smile as Lindsey McDonald entered the elevator, and her smile widened almost imperceptibly as she watched him fumble with the button.

"Need a _hand_?" she asked.

Lindsey gave her a glare that was equal parts anger and I-can't-believe-you-just-made-that-pun, but said nothing as he used his good hand -- his remaining real hand -- to push the button.

"It's so heartwarming to see you can overcome your disability," Lilah said.

"Good morning to you too, Lilah," was all he said, staring ahead at the doors. Lilah found herself wondering what he was really thinking about. She couldn't exactly read him, but he'd been acting... _off_ somehow, and she wasn't sure what that meant. But it couldn't hurt to be more than a little suspicious, especially at a place like Wolfram  & Hart.

The elevator stopped at Lilah's floor first, and she got off without a word, holding back the sarcastic comments that kept springing to mind. Not that she didn't love insulting Lindsey -- which was just so goddamn easy these days -- but it was better to spread a few biting comments out throughout the day instead of piling them on first thing in the morning.

Not that Lindsey seemed to know morning from night anymore. It seemed like he never left the Wolfram & Hart building at all these days, constantly consulting with demons and looking through files and who knows what else. Always the same thing. The "Special Project." Angel.

What with Lindsey's recent... trouble... with those blind kids, Lilah told herself that Lindsey was probably just doing his best to get back in good standing with the firm before the Senior Partners had his eyes pecked out, but still... Lilah had never seen Lindsey dive so deeply into his work before. Of course, the fact that Angel had sliced off his hand not all that long ago was probably part of it. Now he _really_ hated Angel.

Lilah had no real, personal animosity towards Angel. Sure, he caused Wolfram & Hart a good deal of trouble, but hey, that made things interesting. And seeing Lindsey fumble around with his pathetic plastic hand put a smile on her face that almost made her want to thank Angel personally.

But the Senior Partners were determined to... to what? Mess with Angel's head a little bit, throw him off his game? She wasn't sure exactly what the endgame with Angel was, and although she knew that asking too many questions could be a literal death sentence, that never stopped the curiosity.

The latest plan involved Darla. Darla, the centuries-old vampire who had sired Angelus, staked in Sunnydale a few years ago, and now returned to life as a mortal human once again. Lilah wasn't sure what to expect, but now that Darla was settling in at Wolfram & Hart, she gave herself time to analyze her thoughts on the whole matter.

When Darla was first restored to life by the ritual, she was a confused, scared girl huddled in a crate, but when Lilah first got a _real_ look at her -- standing, clothed, more well-adjusted to things -- Lilah could only think, stupidly, _the pictures didn't do her justice_. Darla was infamous enough that it was fairly easy to find sketches and engravings of her likeness in Wolfram  & Hart's database, but none of them had quite captured the --

The _what_? Lilah berated herself for thinking stupid thoughts. _Besides, she was a vampire then, and now she's a human again, maybe it's different. Or maybe it's just because those are shitty sketches and engravings from hundreds of years ago. What did you expect, anyway?_

 _It's those goddamn eyes_ , Lilah decided. _Something about the way she stares, it's... haunting, and none of the pictures came close to capturing that_. She gave a short laugh at herself, at just how ridiculous that sounded. She dealt with the forces of Hell -- thousands of different Hells, actually -- every day at Wolfram  & Hart, and now a human woman was making her feel _haunted_?

 _Not just any human woman_ , Lilah reminded herself. _For centuries, she -- and Angelus -- were the scourge of Europe._

_Still, she was a vampire then. Now she's human. Just like you. There's nothing to be afra--_

Hang on. _Afraid_? Yes, Lilah admitted to herself, she was afraid of Darla, and what really worried her was she couldn't _quite_ figure out why. Working at Wolfram  & Hart, Lilah learned that demons and the forces of darkness were nothing to be afraid of, since Wolfram & Hart were the ones with _real_ power. Not that Lilah was entirely fearless -- Wolfram  & Hart also taught her that no one could be trusted. Even -- no, especially -- your co-workers. But that constant fear kept her on her toes. Made her a good employee. And it made _sense_. The realization that she was afraid of Darla, however, confused her. It _didn't_ make sense, and she didn't like that at all.

Lilah hesitated as she got to the door to her office. The fact that it was still locked wasn't really comforting -- as if that meant anything around here anyway. As she unlocked the door and got to her desk, she breathed out a sigh of relief that no one else was there. Just the other night, when Lilah was looking through Lindsey's papers, Darla had startled her...

\-------------------------------------------------

_"Exciting, isn't it?"_

_Lilah jumped, dropping the papers she was holding, then, feeling quite stupid, turned to the figure walking towards her out from the shadows. "Darla. I didn't see you."_

_"Going through their things, all the little pieces of themselves locked away, giving you a naughty little thrill of control..."_

_Something about those words, or the way she said those words, or the way she stared at Lilah when she said them..._

_Lilah pushed away whatever she was feeling. "I just like to keep abreast of his latest project; he's probably in my office right now trying to find out about mine. That's just how it works at our firm."_

_"Hmm... all you busy little worker bees, plotting your little schemes..."_

_Lilah noticed that Darla was sifting some dark blue powder in her hand. "Calynthia powder? Is that what you're using?" Lilah didn't know the specifics of the magic involved, or what exactly Darla was doing while she manipulated Angel's dreams. Wolfram & Hart were being damnably vague with this new "let's fuck with Angel" plan._

_"There is nothing so lovely as dreams." Darla smiled, an almost sad smile that somehow terrified Lilah but intrigued her at the same time. "Everything is in them, everything hidden. Open those chambers and you can truly understand someone... and control them."_

_There was that word again. Control. Lilah usually thought she had a good deal of control, but as Darla stared at her -- or was it through her? -- she knew that Darla had somehow gotten the upper hand already. Lilah might have been impressed in other circumstances._

_She heard herself continuing the conversation, though she felt somehow very far away. "And what's hidden in Angel's secret chambers?"_

_"Horrors," Darla said with a smile. This smile was entirely wicked, no trace of sadness. Her eyes still focused right on Lilah. Lilah forced herself to look away, somehow knowing the best possible course of action would be to just get out of there. She felt Darla watching her the entire time as she left Lindsey's office, and she suppressed a shiver._

_That night, Lilah dreamed of Darla. When she woke up, she remembered what Darla said about control, and forced herself not to let it worry her._

\-------------------------------------------------

Lilah absentmindedly organized a stack of papers on her desk, trying not to think about Angel, and definitely not Darla, though she knew she'd probably be working on the Angel thing today anyway. A long phone call from a very angry client who'd been stuck in a hell dimension for the past week -- well, it was a week here on Earth, but twenty years there -- wasted a good hour or so. Of course, since the phone call had successfully put her mind off of Darla, Lindsey had to come in and bring it back.

"What do you want, Lindsey?" she said without looking up.

"Can we talk?"

"We _are_ talking. What do you want?"

"It's about the Darla thing. We really ought to move forward, and since... you... are also on the project..." (he seemed annoyed at having to admit this) "...I thought I would go over it with you."

"How very kind of you."

Ignoring that, he continued. "We've been having her, what, give him spooky dreams? We could get any somnomancer to do that. We need to stop fucking around and let Angel know she's back already."

"And do what exactly? She's only human now."

"Which means Angel won't kill her. It'd go against that noble hero thing he's got going for him."

"He could cut off her hands," Lilah pointed out, and allowed herself a smile as Lindsey reflexively drew his hands -- the real one and the fake one -- back.

"They wouldn't even need to really interact -- it might be better if they didn't, actually," Lindsey mused out loud. "He just needs to catch a _glimpse_ of her, while he's awake, so he knows she's really back, get him _really_ distracted, no more of this dream crap."

"And then what? You'll kill him?"

Lindsey said nothing.

Lilah snorted. "You know the Senior Partners wouldn't be too happy with that. But I'd like to see you try. That'll turn out hilarious no matter _what_ happens." But she knew, no matter how much Lindsey might want Angel dead, he wasn't _that_ stupid, he wouldn't actually _try_ it.

"We just need to keep Angel distracted, and the sooner the better. You know that demon summoning ritual next week, it'll go a lot smoother if we aren't worried about Angel crashing the party."

 _Bullshit._ Lilah knew the ritual Lindsey was referring to was fairly simple and likely not worth Angel's attention, and even if it did get disrupted, Wolfram  & Hart could easily have it done again within a few weeks. Lindsey was making excuses, but why? If he wasn't actually planning to kill Angel, what was his game?

But she gave no indication of her suspicion. "I suppose there's really no reason not to. I'll speak with Holland--"

"I already have," Lindsey said, looking annoyingly pleased that he'd gone over Lilah's head. "The plan goes down tomorrow. I'll have the relevant information sent to you so you can brief Darla about it."

Seeing Lindsey fumble with the doorknob as he left almost made up for everything. Almost.

\-------------------------------------------------

Darla was standing by the window, staring off into the distance. Without turning around, she said, "Hello, Lilah."

"Hello, Darla." Lilah put the papers she was holding down on the desk and began to spread them out. "There's some things we'd like to go over with you..."

Darla turned around and met Lilah's gaze before Lilah could remember not to let her do that. She seemed to be studying Lilah intently for a moment before she drew back a bit and said, "Interesting."

"W-What?" Lilah said, taken aback, then grew angry with herself for showing that momentary weakness. But it was too late, of course. Darla knew.

"You fear me."

For some reason, Lilah saw no point in lying. "Yes."

Darla gave a slight smile at that. "Interesting," she said again. "I am... only human now." She spoke the words with what sounded like both disgust and deep sadness. And yet Lilah could think of no way to work that apparent weakness to her advantage. She had nothing to say.

"Do you know the last thing I remember?" Darla asked, and before Lilah could say anything, Darla answered her own question. "Angelus... my boy... he _killed_ me, and the last thing I remember is the _soul_ , the filthy _soul_ , how he _reeked_ of it."

"Yes, well, speaking of Angel..." Lilah said, a bit clumsily trying to get back on track.

Darla continued as if Lilah hadn't said anything. "But if I'm human now... I must have one too. Where is it? When will I feel it? I'm going to feel it, aren't I? What will happen to me then?"

"I don't know," Lilah admitted. "I've never found much use for mine."

"But I can sense it. On all the humans around here. You, and Lindsey, and..." Darla gestured towards the window. "A city of millions, millions of _humans_ out there with _souls_ and I can't feel my own." She laughed harshly.

"Lindsey still has a soul? Damn, I owe Mike twenty bucks," Lilah joked, trying hard to ease her own tension more than anything. All this talk of humanity and souls uncomfortably reminded her that she, too, was a mere human, no matter how high on the Wolfram & Hart corporate ladder she went.

"Oh, yes," Darla said earnestly, "poor Lindsey, his soul... he constantly battles with it."

"There's no way you could know that," Lilah said doubtfully, though she was already filing this information away to use against him later. "You're human now, you couldn't sense..."

"No, I suppose not. Dru was the visionary, wasn't she?" Darla laughed again. "But it's plain to see. Poor Lindsey. Really, he's not cut out for this line of work. No matter how hard he tries, he still has some beliefs about right and wrong. Wolfram & Hart hasn't cut that out of him."

 _Good to know. Very, very good to know_ , Lilah thought.

"But _you_. You're a mystery to me, Lilah Morgan."

"I hope my soul doesn't bother you. I do my best to ignore it," Lilah replied, refusing to let any of this get to her, and she was _especially_ not going to think about the way Darla just said her name. "But really, we should get to--" Lilah gestured towards the papers on the desk.

"Everyone here thinks they can use me to get to Angel," Darla went on. "And most of you just see it as a project. But Lindsey... he's obsessed. All he ever wants to talk about is Angel, Angel, Angel. All of that history... it's in your books, your scrolls... but he wants to hear it. From me. Firsthand."

Lilah resisted the temptation to turn "firsthand" into a bad joke. "What do you tell him?" she asked. _And is he holding back that information from the rest of us on the project?_

"Just enough to keep him curious. Now that I know his weakness, I have him all figured out." She smiled for a moment. "But I can't figure _you_ out at all. You never talk about yourself."

"That really isn't impor--"

"You know everything about Darla, don't you?" Darla asked, and the switch to third-person did not go unnoticed. "It's all in your books, your files... that's why you brought me back. Because you read that Darla sired Angelus all those years ago, and you thought you could exploit that connection somehow. Oh, you know all about _me_ , don't you? So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself. Lilah."

She put on a disgustingly fake smile. "Hello! I'm Lilah Morgan. I'm an associate here at Wolfram & Hart. Now can we get on with--"

"How does it feel to be a woman in a man's world? Or should I say demon's world? You are one of the only women I see around here. Interesting. Why is that?"

Lilah felt herself grow angry in spite of herself. She knew there were always rumors. Truthfully, she had really never slept with anyone to get anywhere at Wolfram & Hart. Killed some people, sure, but never _slept_ with. But she forced another smile. "I just happen to be good at my job. Wolfram  & Hart makes no decisions based on things like gender. Or species."

Darla smiled. "Of course."

Lilah knew that somehow Darla was trying to read her, trying to figure her out and then play her like she was already playing Lindsey. Lilah tried her hardest not to let anything show, but was already worried that somehow, she was already losing.

"Well then," Darla said, almost pleasantly, as if that was that, "what did you come in here for again? I'm afraid we got sidetracked."

"Ah, yes - well, we would like to move things forward with your encounters with Angel. We're hoping to have him catch a glimpse of you when he's awake. In the daytime. We don't want any actual interaction if we can help it -- we just want him to see you, so he'll think he's going crazy."

"Maybe he is," Darla said thoughtfully. "And what exactly do _you_ want with Angel? I know what Lindsey wants. But what does Wolfram  & Hart really want? What does Lilah Morgan want?"

"I'm just doing my job. I don't want anything."

"You don't know, do you? Wolfram & Hart hasn't told you their real plan. Oh, don't worry -- Lindsey doesn't know any more than you do."

"I don't suppose _you_ think you know the endgame."

Darla laughed. "Of course not. I'm just the latest disposable tool in this big plan. You're all using me. But at least I know exactly where that puts me. Do you know where _you_ stand, Lilah?"

"I know what my job is," Lilah said. 

"That's not what I asked." Damn it, Darla was too good at this. Lilah really had to just get this briefing over with.

"Right now, I know I'm the one giving you orders," Lilah said irritably, "so what do you say we cut the bullshit, I tell you the plan, and then we go our separate ways?" Without waiting for a response, Lilah outlined Wolfram & Hart's plans, which Darla seemed to acquiesce to without argument.

Lilah did not let Darla start another conversation. She left without another word.

\-------------------------------------------------

Lilah was looking into the specifics of human sacrifices to Rhan-Tegoth for a client. Ideally, it would have kept her mind off of the things Darla had said, but now she was just too damn curious about the whole Angel project.

She just couldn't figure out Wolfram & Hart's _real_ plan with Darla -- and there had to be one, they didn't use ancient rituals to call up Angelus's sire simply to _annoy_ him -- but with her as a human, what _could_ she really do? Even if the ritual meant that she could only be returned as a human, why had Wolfram  & Hart not just re-sired her? They could grab any vampire off the street, simple as--

And then it hit her. _They want Angel to do it._ Which led to a new question: _How are they going to get him to do that? Interesting..._

She wondered if Lindsey had already figured this out, and the possibility annoyed her. Then she reminded herself that at least she still had both of her hands.

\-------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

Darla was no longer staying in the Wolfram & Hart office. Since she'd finally revealed herself to Angel, Holland Manners thought it best to keep her somewhere else now, since Angel would be actively searching for her.

She was in a small apartment -- the building still ultimately owned by Wolfram & Hart, of course -- and Lilah had been sent to check on her. After the first part of the plan -- Angel just getting a glimpse of Darla -- the second part had happened a bit sooner than intended, since Angel tracked Darla down and managed to actually interact with her. But, importantly, he also knew she was human now, since she was able to escape him by fleeing outside, into the sunlight, where Wolfram & Hart employees took her away. To this apartment.

As Lilah approached the door, she prepared herself for -- _something_ , anyway -- but she was certainly not expecting what she actually saw. The door was unlocked, so Lilah let herself in, and was immediately taken aback. The entire room was trashed. Pieces of broken glass were strewn about, and Lilah tried her best to carefully step around them as she approached Darla.

Darla was curled up in a corner, looking... shocked? More like _blank_ , Lilah thought. Just _blank_.

"Are you okay?" Lilah asked, and could not honestly figure out if she was being sincere or not. Surely she was only concerned because Darla was important to the Angel project. Lilah could tell that there was no break-in or anything like that; Darla had trashed the room herself. There was blood on her arms and hands. "Are you still bleeding? What happened?"

"So many things..." Darla mumbled. "Oh, so many things... where do you want me to start?"

"You could start at the beginning," Lilah pointed out, helpfully, as she quickly checked Darla's wounds. There wasn't really that much blood, so she didn't think it was too serious, and it really didn't appear to be on closer inspection. Still, she should probably do _something_ , at least about all the broken glass...

"I can't remember that far back..." Darla said, almost a whisper.

Lilah first thought to bring Darla back to the Wolfram & Hart building and just leave the room trashed, but remembered Holland's instructions to keep her off the premises. And also remembered the last time someone disobeyed Holland's instructions. It took weeks to clean up the blood...

Luckily, that thought actually gave her an idea. She called for some Wolfram & Hart lackeys to clean up all the broken glass, and while she waited for them to arrive, she managed to carefully get Darla up from the floor and seated in a chair. By the time the Wolfram & Hart guys had come and gone, Lilah had cleaned up Darla's wounds as best she could and was now trying to get her to talk. She needed to know whatever Darla had to tell about the encounter with Angel. 

"So, um... do you want to start by explaining what happened here?" Lilah was pretty sure she knew, but she had to get Darla talking.

"I didn't want to... I couldn't... I can't look at myself anymore," Darla said quietly.

_I was right. She's finally feeling her soul._

"How do you do it, Lilah? How do you look at yourself, having done the things you've done? How can you stand to be human?"

"If I didn't have a reflection, it'd be hard to get this perfect hair," Lilah joked. More talk of humanity and souls. She shifted uncomfortably.

"It _is_ very nice..." Darla murmured, sounding very far away.

Lilah debated whether or not to say "Thank you" or "I know" before stopping herself. _Shut the fuck up about your hair, just get on with this._ She cleared her throat. "Wolfram  & Hart wants to know what happened, exactly, with Angel..."

Darla gave a hollow laugh. "Angelus," she murmured. "My boy... You should have seen us, Lilah, we were... oh, the whirlwind... we were feared..."

"That was then," Lilah reminded her once she figured out what Darla was talking about. "He's a different person -- er, vampire -- now."

"Vampire." Darla said the word as if it were strange to her. "Yes, I suppose he _is_ still a vampire, isn't he? Even with that soul... a vampire." She looked at Lilah seriously. "What does that make me? What am I?"

"You're human now," Lilah said, though it somehow felt like the wrong answer.

"Am I? Am I really human?" Darla looked down at herself, the cuts on her hands. "I'm certainly not a vampire anymore, I suppose I must be... But I can remember... I remember centuries of death, destruction... and I was the cause of it. I remember all of that, now... I cannot remember being human."

"Darla..." Lilah started, not really knowing what she was going to say. As she watched Darla's genuine struggle with her soul, she had a sudden thought: _if I don't do something, Darla is going to turn into another Angel and never stop moping around and trying to atone. Whatever Wolfram & Hart thinks, Angel isn't going to turn her back into a vampire. It'll never work. But she could still be useful to us as a human... as long as we can convince her to stay evil._

Darla shook her head slightly. "I don't even remember my real name," she said. "From when I was human. Darla was a vampire... who am I now?"

"Still Darla," Lilah said. "We shouldn't have let you see him so soon, moving things forward like this was Lindsey's stupid plan--"

"Lindsey," Darla said thoughtfully. "You, and Lindsey, and all of Wolfram & Hart... all of you thrive on betrayal. You'd think after centuries, I would know better, but Angelus... we were supposed to be eternal..."

"Everybody betrays everybody," Lilah said with a shrug. "That's not just Wolfram & Hart, that's everywhere. The difference is, at Wolfram & Hart we know how to use it to our advantage."

"This soul... I can feel it, Lilah, it's... it's terrible. How does Angel handle it?"

"Well, he broods. A lot," Lilah said.

"He could help me. He's the only one who could possibly understand... and _he_ had to do it all alone... oh, my boy, my Angelus..." 

"He can't help you, Darla. He may have a soul, but as you pointed out, he's still a vampire. He can't help you with being human. He doesn't remember that either."

Darla seemed to consider this. "I just feel like I need to go to him... but I know I can't..."

"Because that's what Wolfram & Hart wants you to do?"

"Because when I saw him, awake, looking at me... all I could think of was how he killed me. I hated him then, Lilah... I hated him and wanted him dead, and now... I don't know what to feel. This soul is killing me, I can feel it, it's eating me away, I want it gone!"

"Angel can't help you. But I can." Lilah paused. Surely she'd meant to say "we," as in, "Wolfram & Hart," instead of "I," right? No, Wolfram & Hart's plans for Darla were much different. This was Lilah's plan, and hers alone. "I can show you how to be human... how to have a soul... and _not care_."

\-------------------------------------------------


End file.
